Problems with News Leads

1. Leads with no news:

University of Montana President Dennis Georgeson issued a statement today on the rising cost of tuition. (What he said about tuition may be newsworthy, not the fact that he issued a statement.)

The U.S. Senate debated the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Dennis Swibold, and senators from both parties gave their views. (A real lead would give us a sense of the debate. What did senators say about this Swibold guy?)

2. Burying the news:

After months of campaign rallies, TV ads and debates, Montana voters went to the polls yesterday to choose a new U.S. senator. (So who won?)

The School Board argued for hours last night before coming to a decision on prayer in the classroom. (What did they decide and why?)

After weeks of wrangling, the City Council voted narrowly last night to limit the number of college students who can share a home in Missoula's university district. (The story's last graf says the mayor promised to veto the decision.)

3. Burying the local angle:

Albertsons, the grocery store chain, announced yesterday that it will close seven stores in three Western states. (So are they closing any in Montana?)

Editing Leads

Some pointers:

1. Don’t change the lead unless you’re sure you’re improving it.

2. The most common problem with leads: They’re too fat. They often contain secondary details that could come a little later. Trim them, remembering that the information you cut may need to be re-inserted elsewhere.

3. Make sure the lead is explained and developed high in the story. Sometimes it helps to jot down a rough headline as you read a story for the first time. Now look back at the lead. If it doesn’t reflect the gist of your headline, you’ve got problems.

4. Past-tense leads REQUIRE a time element. If the time element isn’t important, consider changing the lead to present tense or writing it in such a way that the time element isn’t needed.
5. Make sure the body of a story supports the lead. Don’t allow a reporter to scream in the lead if the body of the story supports only a whimper.

6. Hard-news leads should get to the point. There’s no need to waltz around.

7. In most cases, the news should come first and the name (attribution) at the end of the lead sentence.

8. Good leads should “show,” not “tell.” Let the facts speak for themselves. If five people are killed in an accident, say so. It's not necessary to "tell" us a tragedy occurred. That’s apparent.

9. Is the lead fair? Is it supported by the rest of the story?

10. Is the local angle placed high enough in the story?

11. Don’t fiddle with a lead simply to impose a slight preference on your part. Be ready to defend any changes you make, both in the lead and elsewhere in the story. If you’re making major changes, get back to the reporter and talk about it.

ABOVE ALL: Don’t add problems to a story.

Feed Your Need for News

Any reputable news organization will expect you to have a good grounding in the news.

Here's a place you can go to fill in the holes in what you know. The good folks who run the Dow Jones Editing program can help you keep current as well.

Let's see if they work. Who is Oriana Fallachi and why is she in the news?

Let's Get Parallel

What that means is let's be consistent in how we compare things or actions. Consider: He enjoys books, food and listening to music on his stereo.

In a parallel universe, that would read:

He enjoys books, food and music. (Three parallel nouns)

Or:

He enjoys reading, eating and listening to music. (Three gerunds)

How about this?

He is a fisherman who likes tying flies and to fish little streams.

Make that: He is a fisherman who likes tying flies and fishing little streams.

How about this?

The soldiers destroyed the bridges, but homes and businesses were left intact.

Think you have the fix? Then answer with a comment, hot shot.